It all started by following an online workshop with Shilo Sophia, an amazing painter and creatress. The theme was: Abundance. I watched her videos for a few hours, downloaded an Audiobook from Michael Beckwith: True Abundance. All ready to go.
This is my third painting.
I “think” I need guidance.
Soon I realized I couldn’t follow a theme that was not alive for me at the moment. There is so much I’m going through, so much healing happening … always, I guess… but following a theme that’s not alive in my skin, feels distracting, hypocritical.
She, (the woman in my painting) starts to emerge and she morphs and changes and shifts… and her hair turns into the flower of life and then into water… like ALL my dreams. There is a sun she is staring at, confidently. The sun shifted to be the Second Chakra, Swadhisthana. This chakra is the heart of our ability to create from pure feeling, as opposed to “thought”. It’s the heart of our ability to enjoy sense experience, sensuality, sexuality. I feel this enormous joy when I surrender to my pure creative energy and paint from my heart.
From her throat, a Yoni blooms.
A healing blue hand softly holds her and releases the samskaras that have been imprinted in her mind, her throat and her Yoni. Like Dandelion’s petals, these are released into the air. Not longer running the show.
It is not a secret that I’ve experienced sexual abuse when I was a child. It’s not a secret that I’ve gone through SO many stages of healing. This is another stage. I feel more empowered than ever, more in my body. I continue to settle in my innocence as my birth right. I continue to enjoy my body and continue to expand and explore the “ways” I allow myself to feel pleasure. Infinite possibilities.
Pleasure is something I understood as a child to be “wrong”, “shame-full”. I understand that now and I continue to release that belief.
Pleasure is my birth right, who I am. Pleasure IS what I came to this world to experience. The Joy of Pleasure. I am responsible to finding and enjoying what feels pleasurable to me. Nobody else.
A big Thank you to:
Robert Silber – for your support and what you bring to this community.
Modern Shaman: Matt Schwent – for your clarity and your blue healing hand.
Skylove for being the conduit for Spirit in some ways and showing me more self-awareness, for pushing me to forgive, for bringing the waters of my being alive and the dissolution of more layers of my ever evolving Kundalini.
My beloved Daniel, for respecting my process, for being SO open, so loving, so expansive and patient… for holding space amazingly and seeing me for who I am. I love you immensely.
My new yet ancient friend Alila Ananda Grace – for the JOY you are, for sharing womb wisdom .. for your unconditional listening and your beauty. See one of her offerings here: La Luna cup
Ahhh.. and thank you immensely Stewart Blackburn! You are da best! The Pleasure Shaman! I love you! Click here if you want to know more about this fantastic man!
I feel supported, loved and empowered by the Universe!
These pictures show the progression of this, my third painting entitled:
“In this lifetime”
Painting the blooming Yoni with the blood of my own womb
My womb – The womb of my ancestors
This is no time for small talk
This is a time for mythmaking
This is a time for epic poetry
To awaken my womb from this self-induced slumber, this winter, this season….
I got to drink down the darkness and dive into my deepest shadows.
We live on the only planet where an eclipse is possible.
Doesn’t that mean something?
Its time to peel off my fancy garments of presumed protection,
To land at the bottom….naked, cold, and bruised, with nowhere to go but up.
Breaking through conditions, creating new perspectives
Rewriting my story – my world.
Time I shed the venom that got me here, the twisted rage of blame and shame.
And choose – instead – to be response-able for the choices I made – back then, before this body, in the Swing, with the Nameless Ones.
the unconditional love that only I can
allow myself to bathe in.
This knowing propels me to do what must be done,
Clear about what has to stop,
igniting me to stand for what I love.
How else can I begin the healing?
This web holds my truest potential
Only my tears can begin to release the armor
Only my tears, my honesty and giving myself to feeling it all
Joy, ecstasy, Bliss, Surrender
Pain, Death, Risk, Vision
Mourning how much is dying,
Mourning over and over again – infinitely
So that the light
This revolution must have dancing; women know this.
That flow, that fluidity that will light my womb
With the Sacred fire that all my ancestors dreamed of.
Poem inspired by Nina Simons – The Power of Women Leading from the Heart