Re-writing scripts

One night, at our “Couple’s group”, my friend Lorn did a process on how messages that were given to us in early childhood, shaped us, as adults.

My mother’s voice kept echoing in my mind

“you ashame me” – “you paint horribly”
“I can’t believe you were showing me that painting in front of my friend, such a shame!”

I was 5 or 6 years old
and I believed what she said

even though I’ve forgiven my mother already
and I know, consciously, that what she said to me it’s not true, I hurt

Upon my return home that night, I checked my emails and I had a message from Amber Bonicci

she was offering a mini-retreat on Painting – Song and Poetry
Synchronistic event -Perfect timing I would say

Just thinking of participating in that retreat and tears started pouring down my face…

Hum…I got to think about it a little more
It is a little expensive
Hum… I’m so scared…

A few days later, I contacted her
I needed a little discount to make it happen
and the discount was given to me

I needed a friend to go with me
to share the room expenses and for company
and that was given to me as well..

I feel the Universe conspiracy – what is about to happen
the healing of that part of me that has been been hurt

I welcome it
I’m open
It’s time

13 Women
A room full of brushes, paints of all colors, so much potential
We write our intentions on the canvas for this particular painting

“ To access my inner child and find joy” – was mine

and so we splash paint, spray water, let it drip
and the FUN
and the JOY
has begun!

Sol

On the second day we were
guided in meditation to visualize and contact the “Wise Woman” within

A naked, strong woman with abundant ankle-length black-bluish hair appeared

She put her arms around me
and gave me a sharp object
(my mind keeps saying “ sharp object?” it can’t be…I wanted to change it)
and an empty coconut bowl

We walked to a body of water
we saw each other reflected in it
and we merged…

I was having fun painting her
and sometimes I would get frustrated
and sometimes I would hear the old voices

Then Lucy would get us singing and we would cheer each other up

and 13 women became 26

Sol

OLD STORIES

They play in my mind
sometimes loud,
the Old Stories

I’m not listening
I’m not listening

I only listen to the voice of freedom
I only listen to joy

they are my barometer

If it’s true I’m part of Creator
nothing but Beauty I create

With each stroke
I create
a NEW STORY

One of acceptance, love and magnificence

I AM THE ONE
Responsible for my own limitations
I release others
and I break free

At night time in my room I would reflect on my feelings
the most predominant:
“fear of disappointing my Wise Woman”

and as I dug deep into this fear I realized the fear was part of that old story
“the fear of disappointing my mother”

When I got cleared on that, I heard my Wise Woman say:
“you can NEVER disappoint me, I feel honored by coming alive through you.

You are the only one that can see me and I feel so happy and honored that you are painting me so beautifully”

and I breathe
I breathe
I breathe

——-

In Gratitude for these other 12 women
that showed so much courage
so much love and support

so much song and heart
reflection, poetry and glory

Thank you Amber
Thank you Lucy
Thank you for helping me trust myself

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